A full week have passed since I last made a post on here, but that week has been full of ups and downs that were not expected and some drove me to the point of almost giving up on this adventure. This post will only be covering a couple of those days, and I will do another one for the other days soon after this one.

The Beauty of the Grassland National Park

The last post was from the Cimarron National Grasslands in Southwestern Kansas. My next destination was going to be Boiling Springs State Park in Oklahoma. The drive to the state park from Kansas was absolutely flat, so flat I was pretty sure I could see into Texas and through to Nebraska. This is not the place to come to show off the scenery of Oklahoma. As I continued through the pan handle and into the meat of the state, landscape began to grow slowly and even more as I approached the ranger station of the state park. The trees and wildlife calmed me down and made me feel like I had found a diamond in the rough of Oklahoma. There were people in the ranger station who were helpful and friendly with me and continued to calm me down with the choice I had made because this was not a calculated decision to come to this place. I opened up my atlas and decided that this area looked like a good call, so we did it.

Entrance Sign at Boiling Springs

I found the first camp site welcoming, but the decision to set up at that spot was difficult for me because this decision was, once again, going to be solely in my hands without anyone letting me know that it was either a good or bad decision. This has been a reoccurring theme I have been facing along the short time I have been on the road, and is something that I want to eventually change, not get rid of all together. The best description I have heard of healing is not getting rid of something, because every experience in our lives make us the wonderful people we are today, but rather it is putting light into the dark areas. So, I would like to get to the place where a choice I make is the one I make because it is what I want, the best choice, or the right thing to do and leave it there rather than looking back on it and thinking about what I missed out on by making that choice, which only cause upset and worry which removes me from the present moment.

Sun Setting on Camp of Day 1

I made the decision and felt pretty good about it and I proceeded to set up camp with the tent and setting up my fire so it would only need a flame to get going. The ranger came not long after that and collected my money for the two nights I decided to stay. There was a mom and daughter who had been walking their dogs around the park like it was the Indy 500 around and around and around this area till I thought the dogs were going to die. All of these factors, getting to the site before the sun went down to scope it out, having other people camping close by, and a ranger patrolling the area all made me think this night was going to be a breeze, but soon the sun started to hide behind the trees and surrounding land, creating beautiful works of art in the sky, and that fear I had experienced in Kansas began to slowly reemerge from its hiding place in my mind like a train rounding a corner on the tracks. You can see the headlight coming, but you are stuck on the tracks knowing it is headed straight for you, and the anticipation is almost worse then the train actually hitting you. The train got closer as the amount of light decreased while my surroundings became less distinguishable, and they faded into a black blob around me. I was armed with my trusty flashlight that was on the move again during the night, but not quite at the same rate it was the night before. The fire was my safe place to be and I spend most of my time with my back to a tree facing the fire. I was able to sleep that night without my protective cover over the tent, so I was more exposed, but could also quickly check on my surroundings if need be during the night.

Beautiful Oklahoma Sunset

My Protector

The next day was the first time I started to question what I was doing. Why am I out here spending my hard earned money to camp around and live like this. Is this even worth the time, energy, and money that is going to go into it? I also realized how lonely it had become being out by myself braving the elements and nature. Cell phones are a wonderful tool that we have these days that allows us to connect with people hundreds of miles away with our voices, or  through a video app, but it is not quite the same as having another human being to engage with. I am an introvert and lose energy when I am around other people for too long, and need to recharge by myself, but apparently, too much time away from people can also be draining to me. While processing the decision to turn around and head home or not, I decided to go for a hike around the state park and get some more use out of my new camera. Not long into my hike I ran into another person hiking around the park. We end up going on a hike for a few hours and just talking about life and by the time he left my camp site, I was able to nudge myself done the road of continuing on. I did not realize how powerful and uplifting the experience had been until he had left, and isn’t that so true in my day to day life as well. As the sun started to go down, I was wishing that he was still there to talk and have someone to face the darkness with, but it was me against the elements once again. Along with being filled with optimism for the future of the trip, this was going to be the third night I would spend alone in the wilderness, so I had a good idea of the feelings that would be coming, and the hope that they would be less intense than they were the nights before. I did feel more comfortable that night in the tent even though there were raccoons all around me fighting with each other over who knows what most of the night.

The next morning was a mixed bag because I was excited to get back on the road and see somewhere new, but there was also the uncertainty of where I was going to sleep that night. This continuous roller coaster of finding a place to sleep, being fearful of what may get me that night, calming down, then waking up and needing to find a place to sleep causes some stress and is bringing me to forks in the road of this journey almost on a daily basis. I challenge anyone reading this to go and have a genuine interaction with another human being, maybe someone you know maybe a stranger, and appreciate the fact you get to have this opportunity. Too often I get caught up on my phone and going to that as a safety net and excuse not to meet new people rather than truly engaging with the people around me. In a word where we are more connected than ever, we are slowly losing true connection to other human beings, and growing relationships with profiles, and email accounts.

“When one door closes another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

Alexander Graham Bell

There is an Armadillo in This Picture